If your marriage is stressed, and you find yourself dealing with conflict-resolving issues with your spouse, you may be wondering if divorce is the only choice left. After all, the loving feelings you once shared with your partner seem to have vanished and all that is left is unhappiness. It probably appears that you two aren’t even compatible, so why stay married? Statistically speaking, we live in a culture where nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, and are we any better off after the divorce? My answer is no. The majority of people who have gotten a divorce don’t find that there level of happiness has increased, just that they have different things to be unhappy about. Therefore, divorce is not the answer.

I want to challenge you with this idea: Your happiness in marriage is not based on weather or not you are compatible with your spouse. Hence, it should not be a deciding factor as to weather your marriage will last or not. Instead, you should realize that happiness in your relationship comes from how you deal with incompatibility. Hear me again- happiness comes from how you CHOOSE TO DEAL WITH THE INCOMPATIBILITY that you will without doubt face. If you don’t deal with it in a healthy way, conflict and unhappiness is the outcome. This one essential skill is missing in so many relationships today and thus we are seeing marriages dissolve at an alarming rate.

I know this idea is contrary to everything we hear and see around us. So much of the focus in our society is about people finding compatibility with others. There are entire dating services built around that idea. I believe though, that a better thing to focus on is learning healthy conflict resolution. The truth is that every relationship is going to face conflict at some point. If everyone simply decided to give up and quit the relationship, no marriage would last. Instead, it would be much better to develop good conflict-resolving skills to make your marriage work.

The main point I hope to make clear is that your marriage’s success or failure will depend largely on three major things that you CAN have a bit of control over; You can make the choice to learn how to do these three things better:

1. Develop good communication skills

2. Develop the ability to work through difficulties that you face

3. Choose to look ahead towards saving your marriage rather than backwards at all the troubles you have had.

So don’t buy into the deception; compatibility is not all that counts in creating a happy marriage. A better thing to focus on, and develop are skills for conflict-resolving and communication. This will not only help you in your relationship with your spouse, but in all other relationships as well. And the development and refining of these skills will help to save your marriage from divorce.

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