Posts Tagged ‘how to get your ex back’

It is difficult to predict success of any relations: sometimes absolutely improbable relations proceed for years, and other, apparently, having all advantages, suffers crash. Nevertheless experience of marriage consultations and studying of the reasons of disintegration of marriage testify that certain factors contribute either to strengthening, or to disintegration of relations. If you are interested in chances of creation of long relations, consider some of the most important factors resulted lower.

- Do not connect yourself when you are too young. Early a marriage is exposed to the greatest risk. Each serious research of questions of marriage shows that the marriages created till 19 years age, are not long usually (especially if marriage is created because the woman is already pregnant). In process of achievement of maturity you vary, develop various requirements and the interests dispersing at partners. Two persons can develop more or less in one direction, continuing to adjust with one another varying requirements, but is much more often they mature separately.

- Do not accept obligations too fast. You should not be decided on creation of long-term relations, will not know yet one another at least not less than 9 months, such term allows the majority of people to learn the best sides and defects of one another and, living together, in practice to find out, whether will sustain partnership check by time.

Rough involving in the sexual union is a danger sign. If you often quarrel and especially if one of you repeatedly infringes upon your communication, it is a bad harbinger on the future as the similar model of behavior is inclined to take roots. Putting off of official registration the relation can fill also with misgivings. If you have agreed about a joint life, but have postponed registration of permanent relations for couple of years or more, carefully consider the motives. It can mean that you are not ready yet to refuse the independence.

- Search for similarity. Inspections show that there is a tendency to marry on similar people. Though some marriages with not similar people also appear successful, the joint life, which is not accompanied by friction, appears easier for the couple having common interests and sights, wishing to receive from a life the same. It is useful to have at least one-two similar interests, and also to correspond one another on age. If between you a difference more than 10 years, possibly, are inevitable such clashes of opinions, which will create overwork difficulties for normal development of relations.

- Searches of an emotional maturity. Some personal features are extremely harmful to long relations in the future. The anger, possibly, is most potentially destructive force for long relations in the future. Probably rough collision with the partner, who tries to dominate, shows aggression and harmful tendencies. If still it is possible to hope that relations will be saved at one psychologically not mature partner at two they are irrevocably doomed to a failure. The low self-estimation also does not foretell anything good as generates uncertainty and the jealousy hindering creation of relations, based on love and trust.

Mature and long-term relations can appear impossible at overwork dependence. The partner, who saves significant dependence on parents, can require of you bigger support, than you are ready or have possibility now to ensure. In certain circumstances when you require support, he can appear completely not capable to take weight of responsibility on the shoulders as the mature person.

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Studying of family mutual relations is complicated by many factors:

First, complexity of a family as social and psychological system. The family includes a great number of every possible relations and interrelations for which formation matter personal features of members of the family, its social environment, customs, traditions, social and economic conditions etc.

Secondly, absence of the uniform approach to problems of a family, uniform understanding of its essence and structure. The general theory, which could become a basis for family studying is not produced yet, instead of it there is a significant amount of schools, currents and directions with various quite often difficult comparable approaches.

In the third, that a subject family psychology is that area of a social life, which is subject to influence of social stereotypes, and submission about which feels significant effect of ordinary experience. Each person has own family experience and frequently considers only from it, trying to understand what such family relations in general.

And, of course, family studying becomes complicated reserve (intimacy) of many events occurring in a family, and as their variability, absence of accurate contours.

The analysis of references shows that the questions directly related to quality of marriages as also the concept of quality of marriages, however, is insufficiently developed. Researches carried out in this direction basically concerned studying of the separate sides of quality of marriage: stability and stability of marriage, compatibility of spouses, family roles in society, etc.

Only few authors addressed to a problem of research of family relations from the point of view of quality of marriage, satisfaction of spouses family relations. Investigating the discrimination to concept interpretation “satisfaction with marriage”, we have found out that in a psychological science there is no uniform concept of the conceptual device of family psychology and as we have approached that there are some factors influencing satisfaction by spouses with marriage.

By different researchers it has been conducted a number of attempts of generalization and classification of the factors influencing quality of family mutual relations.

But, in spite of the fact that in a modern science is accumulated the extensive material under the various factors influencing success of the matrimony, there was behind a shot a problem of influence of intelligence of spouses on satisfaction with marriage. In a modern science the intelligence factor was not studied from the point of view of its possible influence on satisfaction by marriage.

In the order of public consciousness there are various submissions how the intelligence of spouses influences quality of matrimony and satisfaction with marriage.

Some believe that the intelligence helps spouses to adjust effective interaction and in this plan the availability of a high level of intelligence at spouses ensures success of matrimony.

Others, on the contrary, show interest to intelligence as to means of increase of personal efficiency in marriage from the point of view of possible manipulation with other spouse. Proceeding from it, they believe that the intelligence high level should be combined with dissatisfaction at least one of spouses in marriage as the manipulation of other spouse always leads to matrimonial trouble.

There is the third group also, which believe that the intelligence does not concern quality of family mutual relations and satisfaction with marriage at all.

It is almost impossible to escape the cases when you face the how to get your ex back situation. The biggest mistake here is that people think too strong about how to get your ex back, instead of putting this whole story in another way. This is not about how to get your ex back, really. It is about how to make it interesting again.

So happened that God has created the man and the woman different.

We are different not only in physical, but also in the psychological plan. The psychology of relations has started to develop not so long ago. Its development promoted occurrence of new terms, which become every year more and more actual – psychology of the man and psychology of the woman.

Distinctions between the man and the woman in a greater degree are in influence of time, history of development of mankind. Each event has introduced the contribution, thanks to which we now such as we are. These distinctions do the man and the woman complementary, necessary one another. Those submissions, which are at women, help men to be realized. Those subconscious installations, which are at men, allow feeling to the woman happy.

From one side distinctions of the man and the woman draw, pull us together, from other – lead to misunderstanding, to complexities in relations and to conflicts. With what these complexities are connected? They are connected with absence of submissions about features not only an opposite sex, but also with not understanding of own features of behavior (as men or as women).

More often we do not understand ourselves. But if to have some submissions, it appears more mutual understanding, respect, sensibleness and acceptance. In a word, you can take one more step to improvement of relations in the couple. Can give the partner what he wants.

To understand the basic lines of psychology of the man, it is possible to address to history. Each nation had a concept of initiation. For example, in the Scandinavian tribes was considered that the boy becomes the man when he can protect himself. It meant that it was necessary for him to make some great deed, to go at war, protect a tribe, to execute something useful, to show that he is the man.

Existence of various tribes, the states, and systems has initially been created thanks to men. Necessity of the control of safety, a situation, which has been originally connected with a continuation of the family, in due course it was added with desire of structurization and creation of systems.

Tribe – system where there are elders, dear fathers. The birth in system with the laws formed submission about the world and style of behavior of the man. Accurate hierarchy, laws. To live and continue a generation, it was necessary for man to be strong, to be the first, to occupy any position in structure, to find internal harmony.

Apparently, the woman for the man was a part of system, which he protected from an external world. His interest has been directed, first of all in out of the world, but he was always near to the house, the structure that has been created for the woman, the future. The life of the man consists in constant development for there can be a loss of prospects, a paralysis. There is a task – it is necessary to find a task solution and to decide it. It is necessary to count all in advance.

Thus, from this it is possible to see some the basic lines of behavior of the man, who has appeared long before our era, and have generated in the order of subconsciousness psychology of the man.

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Remember, that a situation with how to get your ex back question is not the end of everything. You just need to know where exactly to find the answer and what to do about it.

The most important for people are relations with partner, whom we love.

What do people want from relations? How is to save in relations yourself and to be happy with the partner? How is to save love? What is love? These immemorial questions excite each person. And very often we confuse such concepts as “love” and “relations”. It is not the same! The love is a feeling, or even a condition (after all it is not one-stage, it is long). And it is good if partners have this feeling in relations. After all relations is a certain space. It is the general space, where each person wishes to show something.

We subconsciously search for the person, who will love us such as we are. A trouble is that we frequently do not know and do not understand ourselves. Here also we wait for it from others. And are we ready to accept another person unconditionally? At the beginning – of course, yes. The love period is characterized by that we idealize the partner, we do not see his defects, and it seems to us he consists of continuous dignities. It is clear: the artful nature has ensured this mechanism that we all the same aspired to approach and continue a generation. And here when we under the influence of love move to each other – borders between partners are erased.

We become as though a unit. We have common interests, we try to spend all spare time together, and during not free time all of us think of a subject of our feelings. And in this merge danger is concealed: or the chance to lose yourself and to be diluted completely in the partner, or there is a probability to “absorb” other person, to make him part of the person. It would seem: ideal love is when all time you are together. But where are here two independent individualities? But it would be desirable very much a complete unification and that partner was always nearby.

What does disturb us into relations?

Certainly, insult. The insult is when we do not assume the responsibility. When all of us with the behavior (and sometimes and directly words) speak to other person: “You are guilty, you have made my life intolerable – now you should correct everything!” We want, that the partner, feeling guilty, has corrected it. And we will look, whether to forgive him/her.

The jealousy is too the feeling destroying the relations. Instead of loving, we look: and does he love me? And, certainly, we find that acknowledgement that if he loves, it is not enough. After all who searches – that person will always find! Behind jealousy always hides out the fear.

Many put feeling of the property in one number with jealousy. They say that jealousy roots are covered in this feeling. Yes, of course, so it is. But one more nuance: thus the partner is not considered at all as the separate person. There is no respect in it.

Very big care also doesn’t show big respect. When all of us broadcast the behavior to other person “You are weak and silly, and I am strong and clever. You will not live without me”.
Or other extreme measure is dependence on the partner. In this case the trust to yourself is infringed. As though inside is a black hole, which we aspire to fill in with other person.

The total control also does not promote improvement of relations. After all the control always adjoins to suspicions! Similar on jealousy: the aspiration to supervise is an aspiration to secure the life from unexpectedness.

All these things have one general platform: fear and uncertainty in yourself. Usually we do not know ourselves and we aspire to compensate this ignorance in relations. Don’t make silly errors and take care of your love.

It is almost impossible to avoid the cases when you have to face the how to get your ex back situation. The biggest problem here is that people think too much about how to get your ex back, instead of putting this whole situation in another way. It is not about how to get your ex back, really. It is about how to make it exciting again.

The family is based on marriage or consanguinity association of the people connected by a generality of a life, mutual moral responsibility and mutual aid.

Home life reminds an iceberg. The majority of people sees only its surface part and deceives themselves, thinking that sees it entirely. Some guess that the iceberg is slightly bigger, but do not know what represents its invisible part. Without knowing all subtleties of home life, it is possible to direct its dangerous rate. Home life art, perhaps, is the most difficult of all arts – all from flying semitones, from a web texture of shades. We do not know here very many, we do not know even the sizes of the ignorance. The majority of us here are self-educated persons and, means, more often ignoramuses.

Many families now have in their way of life three cultures: psychological illiteracy – ignorance of female and man’s psychology, elements of emotional dialogue in a family; sexual ignorance – ignorance of laws of human sexuality, dissonances of the man’s and female sexual nature and methods of their softening; educational illiteracy – ignorance of radical differences of children’s psychology from adult, inability to bring up children in a key of their psychology and in the spirit of a present way of life.

Such ignorance extremely complicates a life of the majority of families, especially young whereas knowledge can help them very much. However, it will not be enough only knowledge here. Knowledge is not the thread of Ariadne, which helps to find the way out from a labyrinth. It is faster a compass which shows on a happiness pole, and we will reach it or not – depends on our efforts, from that, we will manage or we will not manage to find the road to this pole, road which answers a unique warehouse of our characters, feelings, relations.

The family has got now to ocean of disasters. Explosion of divorces and loneliness, an avalanche of misfortunes and bad customs – still never in the history of mankind was such sharp family crisis. This crisis is born also by unknown contradictions of a life and that we can’t solve them.

Marrying, people want family happiness. But their hopes not always come true.

After getting married a newly married couple should learn well one another, to study the habits produced in a former life, to learn to interact, refuse what disturbs to this interaction.

But it is possible not to everybody – and then spouses cease to understand one another, between them there are conflicts developing into family quarrels and scandals.

Why does not everybody possible to save a family? Why are there quarrels and the conflicts between spouses quite often leading to divorces? Why do the love and the respect, once consolidating them disappear? To answer these questions, it is necessary to find out, how a newly married couple understands the love, and what person they love.

The requirements, which spouses satisfy in marriage, are various, therefore and the love content is unequal. One person understands love as a physical inclination, requirement for sexual affinity, other – as affinity with other person, with the friend. That fact attracts attention that clashing and getting divorced spouses on the first place in love put personal needs and try to use the favorite person as means of their satisfaction.

Love and appreciate each other, it is much better than to suffer after.

It is almost impossible to avoid the cases when you have to face the how to get your ex back situation. The biggest problem here is that people think too seriously about how to get your ex back, instead of putting this whole story in another way. It is not about how to get your ex back, really. It is about how to make it exciting again.