Posts Tagged ‘how to get your ex back’

Many young spouses do not understand that marriage is a constant work, creative search of ways of preservation of mutual understanding and love. And it is necessary to prepare for love of. It is necessary to learn to give happiness to other.

Sources of infringement of family relations are, as a rule, collision of various submissions of the husband and the wife about the family purposes, about the concrete contents of its functions and methods of their realization, about cast in a family. If spouses do not understand one another in vital for existence of marriage questions and to operate with appropriate amount if not will produce the general frame of reference marital relations will break up.

Scientists consider that many reasons of unsuccessful marriages exist already at the moment of their creating. These reasons are referred to as risk factors of construction of a happy family.

Age of the starting marriage. Social researches show that the early marriage is the important factor influencing satisfaction by relations in a family. At studying of successful and unsuccessful marriages it was found out that in group of successful families only 43 % have married to 21 years, and unsuccessful 69 %. Successful marriage assumes a high level of a social and psychological maturity of people, because they need stable purposes, certain knowledge and abilities that in frequently are not present at youthful age.

Business factor. Studying of divorce practice has shown that the small salary, absence of separate apartment never is called as a dissonance original cause in a family, on the first place usually there are reasons of moral-psychological character, and material difficulties can aggravate disagreements and complicate already infringed relations.

Living conditions. This factor is connected with separate or joint residence of a young couple with parents. The data of researches says that the young families living together with parents are slightly more stable than those who live separately though conflicts between young spouses and their parents at joint residence arise quite often. On the one hand joint residence promotes the external social control from outside parents behind a young couple, fulfillment of its family functions, enriches personal contacts. However, on the other hand the life with parents can hinder process of adoption of spouses, disturbs their desired independence, disturbs to development of a sense of responsibility for the new family.

The huge role is played by such factors, as parental families in which spouses were brought up; the relation of parents to marriage of children; antenuptial pregnancy – is at family creation by a high risk factor.

The accelerated formation of a family leads to dissatisfaction that influences and the emotional side of mutual relations between the husband and the wife.

Duration of acquaintance till marriage. This factor is significant enough for durability of marriage. Short duration of acquaintance till marriage does not allow the future spouses to learn one another so to have adequate idea about possibility of joint adoption, features of characters and temperaments.

The relation between people in a family from all human relations happen the deepest and strong. They include four principal views of relations: psychophysiological, psychological, social and cultural.

Good luck and be happy!

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Many recommendations are developed about normalization of matrimonial mutual relations, the prevention of development of disputable situations in conflicts.

The majority of them are reduced to the following:

Respect yourself, and furthermore other person. Remember that he/she is the closest person for you, the father (mother) of your children. Try not to keep in mind an error, insults and “sins”, and at once react to them. It will exclude accumulation of negative emotions.

Exclude sexual reproaches, as they are not forgotten.

Do not do remarks one another in the presence of others (children familiar, visitors etc.).

Do not exaggerate own abilities and dignities; do not consider yourself always that you are right in everything. Trust also to reduce jealousy to minimum. Be attentive, be able to listen and hear the spouse. Do not forget to care of the physical appeal, work over the defects.

Never generalize even apparent defects of the spouse, have conversation only about concrete behavior in a concrete situation.

Concern hobbies of the spouse with interest and respect. In home life it is sometimes better not to know the truth, than by all means to try to find out the truth. Try to find time at least sometimes to have a rest from each other. It will help to remove emotionally psychological oversaturation with dialogue.

Conflict resolution between spouses.

Constructiveness of the solving of matrimonial conflicts as any others depends first of all on ability of spouses to understand, forgive and concede.

One of conditions of the conflict end between loving spouses is not to achieve a victory. At the expense of defeat of the favorite person it is difficult to name a victory as an achievement. It is important to respect other, whatever fault he/she has. It is necessary capable to be fair to ask yourself (and the main thing, fairly to answer yourself) what excites you actually. At the argument of your point of view, try not to show inappropriate maximalism and categoricalness. Better to come to mutual understanding and not to involve in the conflicts of others — parents, children, friends, neighbors and acquaintances. Only well-being of a family depends on spouses.

More detailed it is necessary to stay on such radical method of the solving of matrimonial conflicts, as divorce.

Sometimes divorce brings disposal of animosities, hostility, a deceit and what saddened a life. Certainly, it has also negative consequences. They are various for divorced people, children and society. The woman, who usually has children, is more vulnerable at divorce. She more than the man, is subject to psychological frustration.

Negative effects of divorce for children are much more significant in comparison with consequences for spouses. The child often is under pressure of contemporaries concerning absence one of parents that affects on it nervously mental condition.

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Remember, that a situation with how to get your ex back question is not the end of everything. You just need to know how and where to find the answer and what to do about it.

Researches of psychologists showed that in 80—85 % of families there are conflicts.
The remained 15—20 % of families fix availability of “quarrels” in various occasions. Depending on frequency, depths and sharpness of conflicts there are crisis, disputed, problem and neurotic families.

Crisis family. Opposition of interests and requirements of spouses has acuity and covers the important spheres of vital activity of the family.

Spouses take irreconcilable and even hostile stands under the relation to each other, disagreeing on any concessions. It is possible to carry all what either break up, or are on the verge of disintegration to crisis matrimonies.

Disputed family. Between spouses there are constant spheres where their interests face, generating strong and long negative emotional conditions. However marriage can be saved thanks to other factors, and also concessions and conciliatory proposals of conflicts.

Problem family. For it is characteristic long existence of the difficulties, capable to strike notable blow of stability of marriage. For example, absence of housing accommodation, long illness of one of spouses, a lack of funds on maintenance of family, condemnation for long term for a crime and a number of other problems. In such families it is possible aggravation of mutual relations, occurrence of mental disorders in one or both spouses.

Neurotic family. Here the dominant role is played not by hereditary infringements in mentality of spouses, and accumulation of effect of psychological difficulties, which a family faces on the course of life. At spouses is marked the increased uneasiness, frustration of a dream, and emotion at the slightest pretext, the increased aggression etc.

The disputed behavior of spouses can be shown in the latent and opened forms. Indicators of the latent conflict are: demonstrative silence; sharp gesture or a sight speaking about disagreement; interaction boycott in any sphere of home life; the underlined coldness in relations. The open conflict is shown more often through open conversation in the exact correct form; mutual verbal insults; demonstrative actions (a clap a door, a ware beating), the insult physical actions, etc.

Conflicts in a family can create psychologic traumatic conditions for spouses, their children, parents therefore they acquire a number of negative properties of the person. In a disputed family is fixed negative experience of dialogue, is lost the belief in possibility of existence of friendly and gentle mutual relations between people, negative emotions are accumulated and there occur psychologic traumatic experience. Psychologic traumatic experience is more often shown in the form of experiences, which owing to expressiveness, duration or repeatability hardly influence the person. Allocate such experiences, as a condition of a complete family dissatisfaction, “family alarm”, psychological pressure and a fault condition.

The condition of a complete family dissatisfaction results from conflict situations in which is shown the appreciable divergence between expectations of the individual in relation to a family and its valid life.

It is expressed in boredom, dullness of a life, and absence of pleasure, nostalgic memoirs on time before marriage, complaints to associates on difficulty of home life. Being accumulated from the conflict to the conflict, such dissatisfaction is expressed in emotional explosions and hysterics.

The family alarm is more often shown after the large family conflict. Alarm signs are doubts, fears, the fears concerning first of all of actions of other members of the family.

Psychological pressure is one of the basic of psychologic traumatic experiences. It is shown in irritability, bad mood, dream infringements, fury attacks.

It is almost impossible to dodge the cases when you face the how to get your ex back situation. The biggest problem here is that people think too seriously about how to get your ex back, instead of putting this whole story in another way. It is not about how to get your ex back, really. This is about how to make it interesting again.

How is to save love, remaining thus the self-sufficient person? In the question apparently, is hidden some contradiction: how is it possible to love and at the same time not to depend from each other? It appears it is possible. In it is a secret of unconditional love.

So what it is possible to do, that in relations has appeared also the main thing saved – the unconditional love. We will conditionally divide recommended actions into some levels.

Soul level.

1. To show sincere interest to yourself. It is important to remain the person with own interests, the desires, and the personal space. What do I want? What does it mean for me? How will I reach it? – Ask yourself these questions more often. It will allow to save love and to make relations more sincere.

2. To show sincere interest to the partner. The greatest error in relations is at a given time to tell to yourself: “I know this person as myself”. During this moment we cease to be interested in a partner, we become indifferent to him. There is a remarkable phrase: “All of us every time leave for ever. Instead of us someone other always comes back”. We leave, something occurs to us, we receive new experience – and in this sense after separation there are already two new persons. Be interested in this new in other!

3. To establish a healthy distance. It is without what are impossible high-grade relations equal in rights. And this distance becomes possible if is observed the balance of interest to yourself and interest to the partner. We together, but we are not single whole halves! Each of us – whole!

Body level.

1. To show generosity at material level. Give one another gifts! Also accept them with gratitude! Very often we easily give, hardly we accept. Somewhere the belief at heart sits that to accept a gift is to become obliged. And to whom it is pleasant. Or an underside: I can’t give presents, because I haven’t good fantasy, or enough money. And meanwhile, the gift is as a soul part, material expression of love.

2. To care of yourself. Meaningly, not everyone is able to care of yourself! We do very much for ourselves, but more often it happens on the run, in a hurry, our thoughts during this moment or have already escaped in the future, or stir in the past. All of us we care of the spirituality, about mind (we read books, we argue, we consider), but thus not so we are able to care of a body. It is important to relax and to have a rest at corporal level.

3. To give happiness at sexual level. Without sex there are no high-grade partner relations between the man and the woman. It is the moment of the big trust and a great pleasure. It is important to remember that your partner as well as you, wishes to take pleasure in it! It will make relations more joyfully and will allow saving love at corporal level.

It is almost impossible to dodge the cases when you have to face the how to get your ex back situation. The biggest mistake here is that people think too much about how to get your ex back, instead of putting this whole story in another way. This is not about how to get your ex back, really. It is about how to make it exciting again.

Read these advices, and you can improve your relations with the loving person.

1. To tell the truth, to ask. The big temptation in relations is that he has guessed himself. And that he or she has guessed – we frequently start to manipulate, reach the purposes not directly, and with any secret tracks. Instead of to ask fair and openly a water glass, we with significant sighs speak in space: “Oh, I want to drink very much….” Manipulations destroy relations.

2. To speak easy, to cause trust. Our intonations issue our feelings. How many times we would not tell words “I love you so much!”, if in tone of a voice is heard “You have spoiled all my life!” Our partner will hear this text. You should learn to hear yours and another’s intonations. Also you should practice that words and tone of a voice corresponded one another.

3. To speak with advantage. Relations are not result. Relations are a live process. And, probably, at a given time they don’t suit us. Important during these moments to say that it is possible to make in another way as it is possible to change to the best. Ask yourself. What do I want from these relations? Also what am I ready to make for this purpose? To freeze love it is impossible, but it is possible to develop it.

4. To be grateful. On what do you focus the attention more often? What do you already have or on what you don’t have till now? Start to appreciate what you have – and you will have more into your life. If your partner feels, that all time you are not satisfied –will it stimulate him to reach more? Hardly, after, all the same it will be insufficiently.

5. To be benevolent. Concern the partner not as to a set of defects, which need to be improved and corrected. Feeling that “I am not very good” does not promote improvement of relations. The sensation that you love each other just for being yourself, is much more pleasant. Everything that in my partner differs from me – interestingly! And I unconditionally accept it.

6. To develop true sights. We vary and develop. It is important, that during this moment we did not forget about relations and about the partner. And if suddenly at a given time my partner ceases to aspire somewhere and something to want, not bad to wonder: “And what do I do, that my partner has decided to stay in the development?” It is better to develop together instead of to search for someone better. The love comes to us from heart, instead of from mind.

Here those actions, which improve relations, do them more filled, more sincere. Start to apply it in a life – and let inside and round you becomes more love!

Do you need as answer to the “how to get your ex back” question? Please visit the web site of this ex back system that has helped many people to get out of the how to get your ex back problems.

Remember, that a situation with how to get your ex back question is not the end of everything. You just need to know where exactly to find the answer and what to do about it.