Save Your Precious Marriage

Marital problems can be frustrating for both sides, especially if you are working hard towards making it work. There is a lot of stress for marriages in all stages that can include children, stress, financial problems, emotional problems, and a lack of communication. Working through marriage problems is a constant challenge for many couples and can begin early on in the marriage or even after ten years of happiness. Marriages with extreme problems should seek immediate counseling, but the first step for any martial problems starts with acknowledgment.

There are many causes of marriage trouble and here is a short list of common factors and how you can work on them together.

1. Lack of communication. Somewhere along the lines there was a little too much work and too little time. Simply talking out your stress and worries can greatly affect how your relationship flows. If there are too many rocky ups and downs, perhaps its time to spend some time talking about the destructive parts of your marriage and what you can do together to fix them.

2. Lack of sexual intimacy. Like how communication faded away, the intimate and romantic moments can slowly fade away into the daily grind of work, finances, cleaning, and children. But make no mistake, woman want to be loved and so do men. If it feels like a chore or it feels boring, spice up the night. Visit a hotel together after a special night out and sprinkle the bed with rose petals. It can change up the daily routine and reintroduce your love life. Fake petals will do just fine.

3. Arguments that continue. These just spread bad will between couples and are detrimental to marriages. Getting too emotional and bottling up the rage is not only bad for your health, but it can often times leave your significant other confused and overwhelmed by arguments that happened months ago. Make sure to let arguments die off. Learn to talk it out without yelling and without the put downs.

4. Not being responsive. Sometimes, the daily workload can be overwhelming. People develop a habit of shutting down at home and being non-responsive to their spouses. Know that marriage is about two people, not one. Don’t be too selfish and always remember that your lover is there for you. Make sure to be for them, even if its just saying a simple response to their question.

5. Being Dishonest. Lying is a root cause of evil for every relationship, marriage especially. Lies will eventually catch up to you, and if you cannot be 100% with someone who trusts your completely, it can lead to a lot of emotional pain and anger. Whatever lies was passed, make sure to go clean and stay clean or it will harm your marriage.

6. Not showing respect. A man wants to be known as a man and a woman wants to be known as a woman. Do not disrespect each other emotionally and intelligently. Show genuine appreciation when its called for and show your spouse how much you really care about them. Ultimately, marriage is about respect and maturity as you get older.

There are many root causes of marital problems. Being able to identify together what is harming your marriage is key towards working through marriage problems. Be logical and always strive to better yourself before making any hasty decisions. Divorce is not the best answer to marriage problems; it is hard work and dedication that is truly the best option for all parties involved. Get your spouse involved in this process and try to talk through the cause of the marriage problem. Proactive and constructive communication is essential whether you are in counseling or not.

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If your marriage is stressed, and you find yourself dealing with conflict-resolving issues with your spouse, you may be wondering if divorce is the only choice left. After all, the loving feelings you once shared with your partner seem to have vanished and all that is left is unhappiness. It probably appears that you two aren’t even compatible, so why stay married? Statistically speaking, we live in a culture where nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, and are we any better off after the divorce? My answer is no. The majority of people who have gotten a divorce don’t find that there level of happiness has increased, just that they have different things to be unhappy about. Therefore, divorce is not the answer.

I want to challenge you with this idea: Your happiness in marriage is not based on weather or not you are compatible with your spouse. Hence, it should not be a deciding factor as to weather your marriage will last or not. Instead, you should realize that happiness in your relationship comes from how you deal with incompatibility. Hear me again- happiness comes from how you CHOOSE TO DEAL WITH THE INCOMPATIBILITY that you will without doubt face. If you don’t deal with it in a healthy way, conflict and unhappiness is the outcome. This one essential skill is missing in so many relationships today and thus we are seeing marriages dissolve at an alarming rate.

I know this idea is contrary to everything we hear and see around us. So much of the focus in our society is about people finding compatibility with others. There are entire dating services built around that idea. I believe though, that a better thing to focus on is learning healthy conflict resolution. The truth is that every relationship is going to face conflict at some point. If everyone simply decided to give up and quit the relationship, no marriage would last. Instead, it would be much better to develop good conflict-resolving skills to make your marriage work.

The main point I hope to make clear is that your marriage’s success or failure will depend largely on three major things that you CAN have a bit of control over; You can make the choice to learn how to do these three things better:

1. Develop good communication skills

2. Develop the ability to work through difficulties that you face

3. Choose to look ahead towards saving your marriage rather than backwards at all the troubles you have had.

So don’t buy into the deception; compatibility is not all that counts in creating a happy marriage. A better thing to focus on, and develop are skills for conflict-resolving and communication. This will not only help you in your relationship with your spouse, but in all other relationships as well. And the development and refining of these skills will help to save your marriage from divorce.

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